143. Why “Don’t Get Too Excited” is Bad Advice

September 28, 2022 00:25:20
143.  Why “Don’t Get Too Excited” is Bad Advice
Words That Move Me with Dana Wilson
143. Why “Don’t Get Too Excited” is Bad Advice

Sep 28 2022 | 00:25:20


Show Notes

Picture this: you are submitted for one of your dream jobs, you tell a friend about the potential job, and they tell you, "don't get too excited it might not work out." Well I'm here to tell you that the correlation between excitement and disappointed is not mutually exclusive. You might think it’s a FACT that the more excited you are about something, the more it hurts when it doesn’t work out the way you thought it would… But, what if I told you it isn’t? What if I told you it DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! 

Show Notes:

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Episode Transcript

Intro: Welcome to Words That Move Me, the podcast where movers and shakers, like you, get the information and inspiration you need to navigate your creative career with clarity and confidence. I am your host, Dana Wilson, and I move people. I am all about the tools and techniques that empower tomorrow's leaders to make the work of their dreams and live a full life while doing it. So whether you're new to the game or transitioning to your next echelon of greatness, you're in the right place. … Dana: Hello, Hello, my friend. Welcome to words that move me. I'm Dana. I'm stoked that you are here and I genuinely thought this one was gonna be, uh, relatively short and kind of light, but then I started really unpacking it and whoa, y'all <laugh> please do not think that you're about to get into some relatively short or unimportant content. This is important. And I know it because I have lived it and you have too is my bet. Um, the, the, the topic today is this whole don't get too excited thing. This, this don't get too excited idea. It it's gone on long enough. I am I'm I'm here. I have a firm position on this. Now excitement has become a main focus for me. So please allow me to guide you with excitement through the subject of excitement. I'm excited to jump into it, but first let's celebrate some wins today. I am celebrating we'll, we'll call it a small win, but in some ways it's big because I'm celebrating a new acquisition, like a new object that has led to a new habit that I really am excited about. I have been spending a little bit of time, uh, making my home zone more beautiful, wonderful, livable. <laugh> started with my outside patio area, uh, tending to the plant life that is out there getting some new items, putting a few candles up, looking for rugs. That one y'all that takes time. But the acquisition that I am speaking of is a rocking chair. Yep. I am officially an abuela, a little old lady who likes to sit in a rocking chair every morning. Um, I, I have had a pretty good habit of journaling in the morning, but now I do that outside. And it's that time of year in LA, at least where mornings are crisp and cool and quiet. And I have loved sitting in my rocking chair, doing my downloads, getting my thoughts on the page, um, and just found a wonderful new punctuation to my day. And it's like movement. Right. But I'm also resting. So I love it. Rocking chair for the win. Thank you, Ikea. Yep. That's where it's from. <laugh> um, alright. That's me. That's what's going well in my rocking world. What about you hit me? What are you celebrating? What's going well. … Yay. Wow. All right. My friend, congrats. Keep winning. Keep rocking. Keep rolling. I'm gonna move on. Okay. <laugh> recently I caught myself. Actually, someone else caught me doing this, but I I've. I, I was caught beating myself up for being excited about a project. I'm working with someone new. It feels like a great fit. They're this big star and they have this big love of dance. What is not to love about that? Why wouldn't you be excited about that? Well, because for as long as I can actually remember, I've been hearing things like be cool, dude, like be cool. It's no big deal. It's it's really not that big a deal. Don't get too excited. It might not work out. Might fall through. Might not be what you expect and listen, <laugh> after a whole lot of coaching on the subject, I have thoughts about excitement and I'm ready to let you in on them this week. We're talking about all of the reasons why don't get too excited is really bad advice. Here's where we'll begin. You've probably heard this idea that the higher you climb, the further you have to fall and technically like in a literal sense, that is true. The higher you climb, the more distance there is from you and the bottom and that you fall. Okay. That there's more distance. I get it. But the same kind of thinking is often applied to the notion that the more excited you get about something, the more hurt you will be when it doesn't work out. Right? Are you following? Are you with me? The more you want something, the more disappointed you will be without it, or the more you imagine yourself somewhere, the more hurt you'll be. If you don't actually make it, can you think of a time that this has been true for you? Maybe you really wanted a specific gig. Perhaps you could visualize yourself there in it, crushing it. You prepared, you trained. You thought you were perfect for it. You let yourself get excited. And it goes to someone else. Enter rejection, self doubt, self pity, anger. Even like from that point on, from that negative side of the emotional spectrum, you might curse yourself for being wrong for being too hopeful. You might even curse the other person because heavy air quotes here, you really deserved it. And they didn't. You might even go straight to wishing that you hadn't been so excited. You might think that this would've been easier for you. If you weren't so hopeful about it in the first place, you might even think that it is a fact that the more excited you are about something, the more it will hurt when that thing doesn't work out the way that you thought it would. But what if I told you it isn't? What if I told you it does not have to be that way? That is what I'm telling you. I am telling you that <laugh>, it is not true. That the more excited you are, the more hurt you will be. It is simply not true. At least it is not empirically true. It is not always true. So, disclaimer, I admit, I have plenty of examples, plenty of evidence of being very excited about something and being in turn very disappointed when that thing didn't work the way I thought it would, I could probably do a full hour long episode, just listing all of the times that that happened. I also have a fairly long list of several examples where I wasn't very excited about something and didn't work out and I wasn't very disappointed, right? So I've got both examples in my life of both being really excited and then being really disappointed and being not really excited and being not really disappointed. So I could see that if I looked only at that evidence, I might think that there's a direct correlation between excitement and disappointment, but <laugh>, there is other more evidence out there. I have been very excited about things that didn't work out for me and been totally okay with it, for example, and this is important because it involves a very recent guest on the podcast a probably a year ago, maybe a year and a half ago. I cannot remember. I did a few movement coaching sessions for one of the actors in Damien Chael's, upcoming film, Babylon, Mandy Moore brought me on to do a couple sessions. She was very transparent. I don't know what this means. This doesn't mean you're the forever coach. This means like we need some help right now. And I think you might be the person to do it. I love that kind of work. I was thrilled to be doing it. Yes. I was excited jump two podcast guest Karam wound up serving in that role, deeper into the production of the film. And I was so okay with that. <laugh> because I respect, admire and think that she was the best fit for that job. Genuinely was more excited for her than I was disappointed or hurt myself. So that is one of my many examples where I was super excited and hopeful about something. It not working out didn't hurt my feelings. It genuinely, I was excited about what had happened, even though it was different than what I had in mind. That's just one of the examples of when I was excited about something and also very okay. When it didn't pan out for me, like directly in my favor, but get into this. I have also been totally hurt by things that I wasn't at all excited about in the first place. I have been hurt by things that I didn't even know about until after they had happened. I know that that's kind of confusing. So I'm gonna give you an example. Um, the insurrection at the capital building, for example, on January 6th, I was living an Akay day. I didn't even know about it until after it had happened. I had never been particularly amped on the building itself. I wasn't excited to be visiting it. I wasn't excited to know anyone working there. I don't know anyone working there. Um, yet when, once I heard about what happened on January 6th, I was very disappointed. I've also been hurt by people that I don't even know, nasty comments on YouTube. For the most part, these are people that I'm not quote unquote, excited to work with or be friends with. And yet I read some of the stuff they said about me and I felt hurt. I've been literally walking along on my human way, not excited about anything at all, and then tremendous hurt and disappointment can come about the second, I think about terrible things happening in the world. The second I think about kids going hungry or being separated from their parents, my point pun intended, because I'm about to make a statistics reference here. So these are points on a, on a line chart. My point is that your excitement and your hurt are not positively correlated. In other words, an increase in excitement does not equal an increase in pain. And more importantly, perhaps less excitement certainly does not equal less pain. Are you with me? <laugh> since we're talking correlation here in graphs and stuff, let's talk about that balance of positive and negative. I personally believe that we, human beings will experience a perfectly balanced, natural distribution of human emotions in our human lives. Like a few really, really great ones, a few really, really awful ones. Most of them somewhere in between and that natural distribution. When we put it on paper, it looks like a perfect bell curve, like a perfectly symmetrical hill that rests a top, a perfectly flat Prairie. Um, I bring this up because I think it is natural to be disappointed, hurt, devastated, even down at the tail end of the negative side of the spectrum when terrible things happen or when wonderful things don't happen and, and vice versa. I think it's normal. It's natural to be excited when the very rare, very few really top of the chart type exciting things happen to you. I think it's natural to be excited. You are worthy of both <laugh> I really wouldn't suggest that you look at the small number of most terrible things in the world. You know, natural disaster, domestic violence, hungry kids. I don't recommend you look at those things and think great. Yes, wonderful. This is perfect. Disappointment is natural and excitement is natural. You, if you're a human are worthy of them both, and you will feel both of them, but what I'm really trying to drive home here. I think if, if I'm to just focus it back, is that in the fullness of your human life hurt will happen. Whether it's preceded by excitement or not hurt, isn't worse because of excitement hurt exists, no matter what disappointment will happen. Bad, terrible, really awful disappointment will happen to you in your life. I G freaking tee it. So you might as well get excited about stuff, not that stuff, but other stuff. So are you with me? Are you, are you starting to see the picture that I'm painting here? <laugh> um, I'm gonna, I I'm kind of wish this was a visual format just for this once. Cuz I really do love a graph. I'm going to spin off of that natural distribution idea, that beautiful bell curve idea and talk about the, the positive and negative for a second. Disappointment is not only natural, but it is useful negative emotions like disappointment, embarrassment, uh, uh, I would say like frustration even can propel you into positive action. Seeing someone else get the gig, for example, might lead you to think that next one is gonna be mine and you might work even harder towards it. Can you think of a time that not getting what you wanted actually worked in your favor in the long run? Maybe you probably can. I totally can. Disappointment is useful. It is proof that you haven't given up entirely. It's proof that you have an imagination and can see a better version. And I love this, but let's not forget how useful excitement is. I would bet that you became better suited for that gig, the gig that you really wanted by being excited about it. And I would double down my wager that you'd get better suited for that gig by being excited than by not being excited about it, to, to kind of put a pretty bow on that idea. Excitement and disappointment are both useful. So why would you avoid one excitement to avoid the other disappointment? They're both useful. Go get them both. I just like that. That's huge for me now. I think you're starting to see my argument here, but I really want to drive this home. So now that we've talked about how it's a lie, that the more excitement you have, the more disappointed you'll be and we've discussed how both excitement and disappointment are natural and useful for my third act. I'll ask you a question. Do you want to work slash play slash be around other people who aren't excited? Like that question is so easy for me to answer. I genuinely do not want to work with people who aren't excited about doing the work. I don't wanna hang out with people who aren't excited about life. Like <laugh> jaded, uninterested, lazy too cool for school, not hot to me, period. Right? Like I just, it's not attractive to me to not be interested to not be tickled, to not be excited. How are you feeling right now? Are you a little bit excited about the thought of that? Are you a little bit excited about yourself, freaking permission to get excited about stuff? <laugh> I suppose now's a great opportunity to mention <laugh> the notion of being over excited or over eager. I did touch on this ever so briefly, but in a very important and entertaining way. <laugh> with Nina McNeely in episode 93, we, we talked about this, about the, the eager beaver, young, young kid on the job and how the, you know, the OG can be rubbed wrong by all that new green energy. Here's what I would like to say about that after, you know, managing my mind around excitement. Sure. Yes. People may be irritated by your excitement, but I think that says more about them than it does about you. I think you are allowed to be as excited as you would like to be. And I think that you would probably find on your own that there is an amount of excitement that is quote unquote too much to get the job done. Well, um, too much excitement sometimes looks like distraction or, um, anticipation or, uh, forgetfulness, or, um, maybe crass, crude, aggressive handling of things that maybe should be handled gently with care, with thought, with time with patients. So I wanna talk now about that, that fine line between excited to be here and please leave there's the door. <laugh> this excited versus overexcited idea for me, it is quite simple, overexcited or over eager has the self in mind excited, happy to be here, happy to help has the project in mind. And there can be times where the project doing well helps the individual do well. Totally. It's okay to want yourself to do well. It's okay to be excited for yourself and your progress. Both are okay, both will happen. But I think that that icky feeling of like somebody's too eager, somebody's, you know, over excited that icky feeling starts to creep in when we suspect someone's excitement is fueled by thoughts of their own progress versus the progress of the project. I hope you're following with me on that. And I hope that with a little more investigation on your own, you might be able to define for yourself, uh, the difference between overexcited and the right amount of excited. Like if that even is a thing, you get to decide what it is. Um, I think don't get too excited is bad advice because it's a lie that the more excited you are, the more hurt you will be because doing away with disappointment is a bad idea. And because doing away with excitement is even worse idea. And number three, in my personal favorite, I am attracted to excitement. I don't wanna work with people who don't have a, I don't, I don't want to work with people who don't have excitement, who don't possess some level of vibrating enthusiasm for what they're doing. And I don't wanna live in a world without it. I don't wanna live without excitement. And I decide what too excited is for me. So to round out the episode and my thoughts on the subject, I have a few more questions for you. I would love to hear from you. I would love to know where you land on the subject of excitement. My first question is very important and I probably should have started the episode with this <laugh> is excitement. Even something you can control, like is excitement, something that happens to you or is excitement something you create for yourself? Important question to answer. My second question is how will you define too excited for yourself? Does it even exist too excited? What does it look like? What are the characteristics of two excited in your, in your mind's eye? I would love to know. Please give me that feedback. Um, great place to engage in conversation is over on Instagram, we are at words that move me podcast and or if you are not already a member of our wonderful words that move me community, head over words that move me.com and click on the WTMMCOMM tab WT, M M C O M M WTMMCOMM stands for words that move me community. It is a monthly subscription for movers and shakers who are interested in navigating their creative careers with clarity and confidence. What can I say? It is what it is. Um, there are three tiers of membership. $3 per month gets you daily, creative prompts, monthly playlists, and an online community of Superlo and support. Um, which includes a class dispatch channel tips. You off to classes in your area. There's a community bulletin board. So you can post your projects. There's a doing daily channel. So you can talk about all the wonderful things that you're doing on the daily. Um, but in the higher two tiers of win com, I also offer group coaching. If you're a person that is interested in being excited about what you do and evolving with excitement and making the most out of disappointment, I strongly encourage you. Get your way over there and jump in. Um, love my WTMMCOMM. Thank you all for listening. Thank you all for listening. <laugh> that is what I have for you today. Get out there into the world, get excited, get disappointed, feel it all and keep it super funky. I'll talk to you soon … Outro: This podcast was produced by me with the help of many music by Max Winnie, logo and brand design by Bree Reetz, and big thanks to Riley Higgins, our executive assistant and editor also massive, thanks to you. The mover, who is no stranger to taking action. So go take action. I will not cannot stop you from downloading episodes or leaving a review into rating. I will not ban you from my online store for spending your hard earned money on the cool merch and awesome programs that await you. There. I will. 100% not stop you from visiting wordsthatmoveme.com. If you wanna talk with me, work with me and make moves with the rest of the words that move me community. Oh, and also I will not stop you from visiting thedanawilson.com. If you're curious about all the things that I do that are not words that move me related. all right, my friend, keep it funky. I'll talk to you soon.

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