Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:05] Welcome, Dana, here in my phone chain. How's that for you ASMR fans out there? Welcome to the podcast. I'm Dana. Stoked on this one. It's been a while since I did a solo episode and I'm jacked about this concept is not my first time sharing this concept.
[00:00:26] It is my first time recording it, though. And so I'm still, like, ironing out the details. But it is so important.
[00:00:34] I think.
[00:00:36] Here's the reason why I'm sharing this today. Number one, because I deeply care about feelings. Number two, I deeply care about helping people. That's gonna be important later. Don't forget that part. And number three.
[00:00:47] What was number three? Oh. Because any opportunity you have to teach something is an opportunity to understand it deeper yourself. So this is me learning publicly, on the record, on camera, but not live. She's going to be edited. You're welcome.
[00:01:04] So this will be a tight. A tight, short and sweet, hopefully very valuable lesson about a pattern I have noticed in myself.
[00:01:12] But we. But we really need a pattern. But we.
[00:01:16] But before we get to my pattern, we're going to do a win.
[00:01:20] This win is important because on the other side of the camera that I'm staring right down the barrel of is Riley Higgins. And she was there for this win, you guys. This is big.
[00:01:31] And the win is appropriate because it factors into my pattern. In a strange way, I'm all about making connections here.
[00:01:38] So my life has involved a lot of trains, planes and moving trucks lately.
[00:01:45] Riley and I rented a. Well, I rented. But Riley was witness to us going to Home Depot to pick up a 16 foot flatbed truck.
[00:01:58] It was a relatively smooth process, although not without a hitch.
[00:02:04] There was a hitch and there was a ramp. Anyways, there's another point. The win was this.
[00:02:09] We're standing waiting to be checked out.
[00:02:14] She's just like, don't do it. Don't even share that. I can't believe you count this as a win. It's such a win, you guys. This is a big, important win.
[00:02:22] It's taking some time. I feel attention, a certain tension. The point where, you know, like, this day could either go to hell or really, really well, this. Things could get better right now or they could get worse. There were some challenges with my insurance. So it's taking some time.
[00:02:41] In the time that it took to figure out my insurance policy and whether or not Home Depot, except whatever.
[00:02:48] I had finished my beverage and I had taken off. Oh, no, it wasn't my beverage. I had taken off the wrapper of the ratchet strap, which, that's a win for another time. I finally figured out how to use a fucking ratchet strap. I've been taught 19 times by professionals, mind you, how to use a ratchet strap. And it's one of those things like your seat assignment that you just will forget. You will need to look that up again.
[00:03:12] Anyways, I had un cellophaned my ratchet strap and I had balled it into my hand, you know, like packaging, cellophane. Nobody's holding a structure for you. It's very loose. It's not like kitchen Saran Wrap, that stuff that, that'll wad up real tight.
[00:03:31] No packaging wrapping is loose. It's like, might as well be a handful of leaves.
[00:03:37] But on the other side of the Home Depot employee, and I set this up for like a monkey in the middle situation.
[00:03:45] On the other side of that Home Depot employee, there was a trash can.
[00:03:49] I saw that trash can.
[00:03:52] I thought that there might be a chance that I could make a basket with my non ball of wrap.
[00:04:00] There's a gentleman to my right also checking out. He's having an easier time. But still it was tense and I made the basket.
[00:04:13] What was the first part? You looked at me and you said, bet you I'm gonna make this okay. I looked at, I looked Riley square in the eyes and I said, I bet I can make it. I don't remember that part. Did you say no, you can't.
[00:04:24] Perfect. She said, no, Riley doesn't. Riley's usually a yes person, but in this moment, she was very no person.
[00:04:32] I threw that almost ball of plastic and I made it nothing but net.
[00:04:41] And I looked at Riley with a shitting grin on my face. And then I looked at the gentleman to my right and I slow nodded. And guess what that gentleman did?
[00:04:50] He said yes to me. He said, the crowd goes wild.
[00:04:56] This stranger started playing in to my game, my sports game at Home Depot. He was cheering me on. He was the crowd and my cheerleader. He got on his knees and bowed to me, you guys. And Riley was standing there with arms crossed, folded the whole time like, no, sir, do not feed this beast. Do not, sir, sir, do not.
[00:05:19] And he was all in, you guys. And from that moment on, I was on crack. I might as well have been the king of the world. I felt so good all day. And guess what? So did that man. I. You know what else he did in the immediate right after? He gave me one of those cool guy high fives.
[00:05:35] Like it locked in real tight, like it cupped the Cups, the hands cupped.
[00:05:40] Boom. And we were brothers.
[00:05:44] And Riley was the evil stepsister that was not playing along. But you guys, that moment of. Of a total stranger. Yes. Anding me was crazy. It was so cool. So that, yes, hand is my win for this episode, Riley Higgins. But that moving truck factors into the episode as well. So hold on to that visual that sets the tone. But first, you go tell me what's going well in your world. Have you had any supported improv moments out in the world?
[00:06:26] Yay.
[00:06:30] Hi, Riz.
[00:06:32] Are you a dog or a panther?
[00:06:34] Are you a shadow?
[00:06:37] Your hips hurting, you're walking funny. So glad that you're winning. Congratulations. Booyah. You. Ah, the crowd goes wild. I'm bowing down to you. Yes. You guys. It was awesome. Okay, so let's. Let's get into this. My pattern. This pattern that I discovered mid move to Vegas, which I'm not moving to Vegas. I'm moving some of my to Vegas. Enough to fit in a 16 foot flatbed truck.
[00:07:05] So I got a place in Vegas. I've been gradually moving some things over there. My mom and I spent the Christmas. Christmas break at the house.
[00:07:15] Thanks, mom, by the way, for my fully stocked liquor cabinet.
[00:07:21] One person alone. It would take me a full lifetime to drink the amount of alcohol that I have waiting for me at the house.
[00:07:28] But anyways, while my mom was there, I needed to move a queen size mattress upstairs. And my mom and I at the time were into. We were watching the murder mystery, Murder on the Orient Express and the Nile, the Egypt. What are the. I don't remember the names. Anyways, Agatha Christie. I think that's the author of the books that became the movies that were made in the 70s and they were remade. Anyways, so we're having a marathon. Mom is happily watching some tv and I'm like, I gotta get this mattress upstairs. So I, by myself, with a ratchet strap for leverage, moved a queen size mattress up 17 stairs.
[00:08:07] I'm on a fitness journey. I'm feeling pretty good about my strength. I can't flex right now because Riley will quit.
[00:08:12] And I. I thought based on that experience that Riley and I together could get a king size mattress up there.
[00:08:22] I knew my ratchet strap technique would not work, so I bought a mattress bag that had handles on it. I figure we have a fighting chance. We did get this mattress down a flight of stairs into the truck.
[00:08:35] And I thought, I thought, I really thought we were gonna be okay. So this story, by the way, does have a point. The whole. The story is the Way is the reason I found this pattern, and I'll tell you why I'm sharing it with you in just a second.
[00:08:48] So Riley and I get miscellaneous things out of the truck, and then it's time to move the mattress inside. But it was late. We decided, you know what? Let's put the mattress down on the floor. We'll watch a movie first.
[00:09:02] We were watching the Men in Black trilogy, which is a sub win.
[00:09:07] I love that trilogy. I'm not a fan of movie two. Riley loves it. So maybe poll the viewers real quick. Pause the poll. What is your favorite Men in Black film? Is it one? Is it two? Is it three? Just to help you. Number one is the first one with the Edgar suit with the. The bug. Number two, Riley's gonna have to tell you about because, honestly, I just checked out. It's about like the light and the daughter, the lady turns it. Sexy woman in lingerie turns into a thing that, like, sprouts multiple heads. It's like vines, kind of. And there's a pug and. Well, there was a pug in the first one too. But like, Frank. Frank plays a. A more key role in film two. And then film three. There's time travel involved. So anyways, I'm strongly. Film one. I did get down with film three, which I had never seen. This was a first for me. Anyways, we laid the mattress down and it served as a couch so we could watch the film the next day.
[00:10:04] It's time to move that bad boy upstairs.
[00:10:11] Riley and I made it four steps up the 17 flight of stairs, at which point I'm effectively gassing out, just trying to keep it from falling on her, let alone making gains up the. Up the remaining steps.
[00:10:28] So four steps up.
[00:10:30] I am battling with myself. I feel ass. I feel awful. My skin is hot. My hands are cramping. I am sad and committed and also feel a sense of doom. Like, there. I. I'm gonna hurt her. I'm gonna hurt myself. For what? What are you even doing? Dude, chill. So we find a way to safely.
[00:10:52] I don't know if you want to add anything to that moment. We really tried.
[00:10:56] We tried a lot of techniques. And that's also why I hated that moment, because I tried to smart it, I tried to brute it, I tried to engineer it. I'm looking for, like, a way we could make a pulley system. Like, I really tried to not have to ask a fucking man for help.
[00:11:23] And I made the call. Four steps up. Let's just prop this up and pull out. Taskrabbit and ask somebody for some help.
[00:11:32] I didn't have a whole lot of time to unpack that moment, but the in. In the moment. But the feeling coming up for me was incapable. I felt incapable. I felt weak.
[00:11:43] If I had had time to unpack that right then and there, and I have since then. So I'll tell you a little bit more of what was going on inside. My brain was throwing crazy at me. Like maybe if I had a pet monkey instead of a pet Riz and that monkey just threw at walls all the time. That was what was happening in my mind. My brain was telling me, not only are you weak, stupid woman, but men are strong without trying.
[00:12:13] And not only that, but they're going to be at war with us.
[00:12:18] Men and women don't just not like each other and not understand each other, but they're going to fight in a war with weapons to the death. That's what. That's the. My brain was offering me. Trying to get a mattress up the stairs. Yeah, come on, have a seat.
[00:12:35] Riz is still finishing her dinner and she's going to do it here on camera with us.
[00:12:39] So in my mind, men and women hate each other and are going to war, and men are going to win. Because if I can't get a king size mattress up the stairs with my friend, how am I going to defend my life and the life of others against what I know is out there?
[00:13:00] So instead of unpacking that in the moment, I got my phone out and I tried to fucking figure out TaskRabbit. Guess what else? Incapable. Round two. Because I didn't understand if the app would provide me with multiple people. Because I know that one guy can't do this. I don't think one guy can get a king size mattress without me. And I'm not trying to be the other guy and get injured. Even with help, then I would have felt like super, super incapable. So I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to task Rabbit a team or if you have to, like, chat with three people to find somebody that has a team. So incapable times two.
[00:13:36] And I discover. I think incapable might be my least favorite feeling.
[00:13:41] Let's put a pin in that. As the beginning of my pattern, I had found the one feeling that feels like the end.
[00:13:49] It feels like there's no escaping this. This will be the end of you. Feeling incapable felt like I. I could just. Life could stop right there. That's the first part of my pattern.
[00:14:04] The second part of my pattern was maybe like 30 minutes away when I found a TaskRabbit who actually could communicate like a grown adult. Communicated to me that he has a friend that could do this job with him that it would cost twice as much.
[00:14:21] Also was able to explain to me that TaskRabbit doesn't offer teams per se, but if you have a job that you think needs more people, you can ask that of the person or let them know in advance that that is what you think the job will need. If you say I'm unloading a semi truck, TaskRabbit will pair you with a team that's big enough to do it. But if you have a medium sized job, you can communicate that directly with your team. Of course, communication is the answer, but the way this person was able to explain how they have operated in the app helped me to learn how the app works.
[00:14:55] Having learned how the app worked made me feel so much better than incapable.
[00:15:01] And it showed me that this, on the flip side of my least favorite feeling, which is incapable, is learning.
[00:15:11] I love feeling like I'm learning, especially learning valuable stuff.
[00:15:17] Hence the podcast. Like, the podcast exists because I love learning.
[00:15:22] But that's not where it ends, my friend.
[00:15:25] It's where I thought it ended that day. And it actually probably was where it ended that day. But wait, we hire that TaskRabbit guy who's an excellent communicator.
[00:15:35] If you need a task Rabbit in Las Vegas, hit me up. By the way, I wasn't home when he and his buddy were doing the job, which happened, by the way, disturbingly quickly.
[00:15:48] We'll unpack that later. But Riley was there and told me later that she overheard them talking about getting new headshots.
[00:16:00] And so now I'm like, wait, they're artists? Like, they're actors? Are they dancers? What is it? What is it that they do? I get excited.
[00:16:09] My friends, the only thing I love more than learning is helping people, is being able to share, is being able to provide, is being able to help someone to do things that I haven't done or couldn't do when I was where they are.
[00:16:27] Okay, so perfect example.
[00:16:30] I received a call one day from a lighting designer that I have worked with in the past. Very talented, super high level, very good at what he does. He says, dana, I am looking for a choreographer in Vegas. Are. Do you. Are. Do you happen to be there? Are you. Could you work as a local? Ironically, this is before I had a house in Vegas. I was on another project. I couldn't help out. I was like, what exactly are you Looking for. I know a lot of people there, happy to put you in touch with someone.
[00:16:56] He says, I'm looking for a choreographer who can do sexy but not raunchy.
[00:17:02] And I was like, ooh, Vegas. Yes. Okay, so, yeah, I think I've got your girl. My friend Nellie Bethel, who I know, have known for years, have coached in the past, think the world of.
[00:17:16] Was in Vegas on residency, I think with JLo. So I reach out, I put her in touch.
[00:17:22] She does the job and does a fantastic job. I get great feedback from my lighting designer friend and. And she sends me a thank you note that thanks me so sincerely for putting her name in rooms that she wasn't in.
[00:17:37] This was a high earning job. It was a key moment in her creative life.
[00:17:43] And that feeling, to have been able to offer that opportunity to a woman who I admire brings like tears in my eyes. It makes me. It makes me have chills. It is better than learning to offer opportunity, to offer a resource, to offer a lesson to make an impact in someone's life on the verge of tears. It is the only thing better than learning. And coffee and Riz, sorry, no offense, she's scratching herself and looking so stupid as I say that. So here's what I discovered.
[00:18:20] The beginning of my cycle, the beginning of my pattern is incapable. One of my least favorite feelings that there is almost always and pretty quick leads to learning.
[00:18:32] Learning leads to me having a resource that I can offer someone else.
[00:18:39] And knowing how that pattern plays out for myself does a couple things. Number one, it helps me to be more willing to feel the initial impossible feeling knowing that there's something other than a shit feeling on the other side of that. Knowing that my actual favorite feelings are on the other side of incapable. And I don't know if I'm gonna get. I don't know if I'm allowed to feel that kind of learning and that kind of offering without having the incapable feeling at the beginning. Oh, my God, I totally forgot the big payoff of the story.
[00:19:16] I had that TaskRabbit guy come back to help me with the second job because he did such a great job on the first job.
[00:19:23] And on that job, I said, hey, my friend overheard you talking about new headshots. Are you a performer?
[00:19:30] And he was like, oh, yeah, actually I'm a performer, but I used to dance. I was a crumper. And I was like, shut it all the way down. And he lived in California. He used to session at a place that I know, like, the world is an acorn.
[00:19:46] And I was sitting here offering payment for a skill, for a service, helping somebody get new headshots. Come on, supply and demand. I had need. He had skills.
[00:19:59] He has needs. I have money. It was a perfect reciprocal exchange.
[00:20:06] I'm telling you this not because I hope that you also feel incapable, which leads to learning, which leads to you empowering other people, but because I am certain you have a feeling that feels like it's the end.
[00:20:21] And I'm certain that it is actually just the beginning.
[00:20:24] So I'm sharing this with you not only because I love helping people, wink, wink, wink, but because I want to live in a world where people have tools and are empowered to feel their shit feelings. Not just because there's a good feeling on the other side, but because we are better, more compassionate people when we're able to feel how it feels to feel in the shit and when we're able to help other people out of their shit.
[00:20:54] That is the world I want to live in. That is the lesson that I learned from trying to get a king size mattress up 17 stairs. I hope that this lesson is an encouragement to you to find patterns like that in your own life. I hope that you feel empowered to feel all of your feelings and to help other people feel their feelings and get their headshots.
[00:21:16] That's all I want, my friends, is for all of us to be able to afford our headshots.
[00:21:21] Which reminds me, I do have a podcast episode about getting your headshots and I should send it to my friend Paulo from TaskRabbit. Thanks Paulo. Okay friends, that is what I have for you today.
[00:21:32] My pattern from incapable to learning to to offering. Yours might be similar. It might be two steps, it might have three, it might have four. But I'm curious to hear what it is. This is my second time now sharing about this and I do think it is useful.
[00:21:49] This type of self awareness is useful, period at the end. But to know specifically your feeling, that feels like the end. It really is the beginning. And on the other side of it there's some useful.
[00:22:00] So get out in the world and use it. Use your friends and subscribe. Click the bell for notifications. Leave a Review. Leave a Rating Share the podcast Connect with us on social media and of course get out into the world. Keep it super funky. I'll talk to you later. Bye.
[00:22:16] This podcast was produced by me with the help of many Big, big love to our executive assistant and editor, Riley Higgins. Our Communications manager is Fiona Small with additional support from Ori Vajadares. Our music is by Max Winnie logo and brand design by Bri Reitz. And if you're digging the podcast, leave a review and rating and please share. Also, if you want to connect with me and the many marvelous members of the Words that Move me community, visit wordsthatmoveme.com if you're simply curious to know more about me and the work that I do outside of this podcast, visit thedanawilson.com.
