Ep. #119 Self Image and Personal Style

Transcript: Intro: Welcome to Words That Move Me, the podcast where movers and shakers, like you, get the information and inspiration you need to navigate your creative career with clarity and confidence. I am your host, Dana Wilson, and I move people. I am all about the tools and techniques that empower tomorrow's leaders to make the work of their dreams and live a full life while doing it. So whether you're new to the game or transitioning to your next echelon of greatness, you're in the right place. Dana: Hello, Hello, my friend. Welcome to the podcast. I'm Dana. This is words that move me and it is now officially with an a that's interesting. It is now officially too hot outside to record these podcasts without my AC on y'all is very real. Uh, I'm not sure if you can hear it because it is quiet, but I've got the air conditioning on today because even though it is still technically March, we're right there at the tail end of March here in Los Angeles, it is warm and I am now officially my father for talking about the weather first thing out the gate. Um, uh, today we will not be talking about the weather for the entirety of the episode. Today. we will be talking about self image and personal style. And this episode is kicking us off on a long strand of episodes that we'll explore those two subjects pretty deep. Um, I'm super excited about it. I want to dive right in, but of course we must first do wins. And today I am celebrating a dupli. I am celebrating two wins. You know what I mean? Again, it's very hard to choose one small winner. Um, today I am celebrating, mixing a little business with pleasure. As I record this episode, I have a face mask on a nourishing moisturizing mask that I thought was a sheet mask, or I thought it was like, I'm not a sheet mask, a rinse off mask. And I put it all over my face. And then I found out it is a peel off mask, which is unfortunate because it is all up in my eyebrows. Y'all I did not avoid the eye area when I slathered this bad boy on my face. So you might be seeing a very nineties version of me, uh, down the road if I come out of here with no eyebrows. Um, but I'm celebrating this because I am committed to taking a little bit more time to take a little bit more care of myself and my skin. I am 35. I am starting to see some aging happening. Um, so I'm wearing daily SPF doing my moisturizing masks as often as possible. And today that happened to fall during recording hours for the podcast. Um, actually it is also kind of poetic that I'd be wearing a mask while we are discussing self image and personal style. So that is a win. Um, but I'm also celebrating my dear friend, Tony Testa’s birthday, March 31st. And he doesn't know this yet, but I got him for his birthday. One of my absolute favorite books called seeing is forgetting the name of the thing. One sees the book is by Lawrence Weschler. It is a series of conversations with artists, Robert Irwin, and holy smokes. You all. I read it for the first time on recommendation from one of my art heroes and friends, Mr. Tom Sachs, and this book blew my little art brain wide open. So if you are a person interested in conversations about art process light, I mean, oh, simplicity, restraint. Um, it is truly exceptional. I started rereading it recently and uh, I took one look at the first page and it was like, Tony Testa needs this book. Um, so I ordered it for him immediately. And I'm telling you right now, because you are also people that I love and care about. If you're interested in conversations about art, please read, seeing is forgetting the name of the thing. One sees by Lawrence Weschler. I will link to it in the show notes. So so-so good. All right. That is my wins. Multiple. Now you go, what is going well in your world? … Congratulations. My friend, keep winning balloons, confetti a marching band. I want it all for you. Keep it up. All right. Now let's, let's dig into it. The dance and costume dance and fashion dance and wardrobe, dance, and style. These things truly do go together like shoe buck. She walked away at a deep, deep Boomi boom. There was a grease reference. If you didn't catch that, they go together like rambling. Okay. Uh, anyways, how things fit your body, inform your movement, how things look, inform your audience. So yes, this very much matters. Let's talk about it and let's get a few definitions out of the way. First, when I say self image, I do not mean the way that you look. I do not mean the way that people see you. I mean, the way you see yourself, that is self image. Personal style to me, to me, personal style is, is more than what you are wearing. Although what you wear is certainly a part of it. I have come to explain personal style as being three things, mindset, fashion, as in what you are wearing and your surroundings, your home, your car, your people, all of it. So now that we have that out of the way, I would love for you to get your answer to these questions for yourself. I have defined self-image for myself. I have defined personal style. Now, pause right here and think about what those things mean for you. … And now I'll ask a few followup questions to get down to the nitty-gritty. When it comes to personal style, do you think you can get it wrong? Do you think you can get it right? Is there a right and a wrong for your personal style? Does caring about your self image make you superficial? Do you avoid looking at yourself in the mirror? Do you go out of your way to see yourself in a mirror when you see yourself in a mirror, do you like what you see now, put those questions away. And then maybe at the end of this mindful month where we are focused on self image and personal style, I hope that you might revisit them and see if your thinking has changed. All right, let's talk about self image. Again, to me, this is not how other people see you as how you see yourself, you the most important person in your life, the person that will be seeing you for the longest, the person that is going to see you and have an opinion about you, always, that person is you. Now, clothing does have a unique impact on us. I think because it affects how we feel sensationally as in like physically our physical bodies. And it affects how we feel emotionally, right? Like clothing has a feeling on our body. I'm imagining a super soft plush, fuzzy microfiber, you know, like the ones they sell at CVS, um, or the starchy feeling of a freshly pressed color or scratchy tool of a Tutu. Um, right now, in addition to wearing a face mask, I'm also wearing a very plush bathrobe, just so you get the full picture. Um, but, but clothing certainly affects how we physically feel in our bodies, relaxed, um, comfortable, upright, structured. Uh, I I'm imagining right now being laced into a full corset, which actually changes the organization of my guts. Like it affects my breathing, my bladder, um, tight pants on a full bladder, oof, like clothing really can affect the way you feel in your body. And then of course the emotional component, um, I think we all probably have, or have once had a garment or maybe a pair of shoes or an accessory that made us feel a certain way or make made you feel like a million bucks to use another cliche, um, something that you truly looked forward or look forward to wearing. And you wear it all the time because of how that quote makes you feel. Now, I don't believe that the garment itself makes you happy. I don't think the garment has almighty power over your emotional state, but I do think that thinking this item is as special as I am or this item is special. And when I wear it, I am special to thinking this jacket sparkles. So do I thinking like that feels good thinking I have something exclusive or I make money and I own shit like that is the part that feels emotionally good, but all of those good feelings come from the thoughts. We're thinking about our clothes, not necessarily from the clothes themselves and you already know the way I feel about feelings, your emotional state comes from the way you're thinking and your emotional state affects your actions. That is, that is the direct link between the way you're thinking and the way you behave in the world. Those, those emotions are such a key component. So clothing, I think in its way really does affect how we operate in the world. I can't, I cannot imagine I'm imagining it now, but I can't actually imagine wearing a tight high-waisted low cut pin, striped, tailored to my body Chanel suit and thinking I am a boss and then slumping onto the couch with a bag of Cheetos and a beer to watch some Netflix. Like, is it pains me to imagine that actually I don't, it's kind of funny and laughing in like funny, because it wouldn't happen. Not funny because it's true. Like you just, it wouldn't happen. So the fashions on our bodies and in our closets, our circumstances, they are neutral. They are not good. They're not bad. They certainly do not define who we are or even how we feel. But there is such a direct link to how you think about those clothes and therefore how you feel in them. So in their way, they do affect how we behave, how we operate in the world. So they're very, very, very much worth investing, some time and money and investigation into. So here we go, we are going to explore your self image and your personal style. I'm going to ask a couple questions here. How do you see yourself as in, what do you think about you? I see myself as an artistic, creative, and certainly funky yet organized person. I am always mobile or movable or moving. I am relaxed and I am playful. Sometimes I'm polished at my best. I am timeless classic. Now,I know that seemed pretty. Self-congratulatory I've been working on thinking high of myself. It is a daily practice and it doesn't, I'm not the best in the class edit every single day. Um, but that's, that's more or less how I see myself. I see myself as silly. I see myself as human. I see myself as flawed, but at my best, yeah, I'm, I'm a thing I sparkle. I'll say that. Now you go pause here, take a moment to reflect on how you see yourself. What do you think about you? What kind of person are you? What are you always and what are you when you're at your best? … All right, welcome back. Next question. How do you see your future self? Way, way out there. They've been doing the best they can. They're producing art at the highest level. They're helping the most people they are showing up in the biggest way. What is different about that person? For me, that person is collected and eclectic. Their diversity of, of flavor in their life is, is far more broad than what mine feels like right now. Um, I think that person out there is occasionally luxury branded, but always like iconic. Even if it's in a bathrobe in a, um, uh, drying tight face mask, as we speak, you guys, it's, it's cracking around the mouth area. Can you hear that? I might need to pause in just a second and go, uh, handle this. Okay. Um, now you go pause here, reflect on that question. How do you see your future self? That person who's been doing the best self thing for years, they're out there. They're making their best work. They're helping the most people they're showing up in the biggest way possible. Tell me about them. Speaker 0 00:16:00 Alright, good on ya. I'm not taking the mask off yet. I'm going to, I'm going to ride this out. I want to tell you a little story. How I look has mattered to me since I was pretty young. I'll tell you about one specific instance in seventh grade. I remember after seeing Romy and Michele's high school reunion, my best friend, Natalie Gilmore. And I decided that we were going to flip our school. We're going to show people that it's cool to dress up, to care about what you're wearing to be bright, to be bold, to be anything other than Jenko jeans and Tommy Hilfiger overalls, which by the way work. Um, but like that was pretty much it. Spaghetti strap, tank tops. GenCos that was it. And we decided to start wearing color, print patterns, dresses, jumpers, top, and bottom sets. We did our hair. We did our makeup to match the outfit, to compliment the hair. Y'all my morning routine went from 15 minutes to sometimes an hour and a half and it was worth it to me, thus, I didn't think what am I going to wear tomorrow? That thought never really had it never really felt like a chore. It felt like an exciting adventure. I was thinking, what do I get to feel tomorrow? What do I get to show people tomorrow? I did plan. Oh, I planned, but the planning didn't feel like a chore. The waking up early didn't hurt. It was fun. And back then, I remember so vividly. We got a lot of snapback clap back. What do they call it? Clap back. I think we had people telling us you're so lame. You're so vain. You're just doing it to attract boys. It's all about how you look on the inside. Not the outside, that counts. Um, you're working too hard. Speaker 0 00:18:09 Things like that too, which I like to think I responded. No, I'm not trying to look good for boys. I am trying to look like how I feel, which most of the time isn't baggy or saggy. And for the record, I'm not working too hard. It's actually easier to put on a dress than overalls. And it is way easier to use the restroom in a dress than an overalls. So take that. I don't think I actually responded like that at the time, but that's how I am responding to it. Now that is what I'm saying right now. That's my position. So to people who say how I look doesn't matter to me or how you look shouldn't matter to you, that sounds an awful lot. Like I don't care about myself or you shouldn't care about yourself and there might be a problem there. There's also a problem. However, with dressing to impress others or trying to quote, fill a hole in the soul. I heard that once. I can't remember where, but I love that. Um, I aim to fill my soul by thinking and by doing not by filling my closet, something to think about. If you are a person who, who thinks often about what others think about what you are wearing, do you have a hole in the soul that you could be filling by caring for yourself instead of filling by filling your closet. Now, as you are defining your self image, the way you see yourself, I hope that you can see yourself as someone who cares about yourself and cares about others. More than you care about what others are thinking about you, or certainly more than, than what others think about what you are wearing. It's okay to be misunderstood. I know it's not a great feeling, but it's going to happen at some point in your life. And if you can handle dancing and point shoes or doing a HeadSpin or jumping into a freestyle cypher, I guarantee you can handle feeling misunderstood. And with that ladies and gentlemen, I am going to go take this face mask off. I'll be right back. And when I am, we're going to talk about personal style. … Y'all great news. My mask is off and my eyebrows are still on they're thin, but they are strong. They hung right in there. Although it was peeling that bad boy off. That was scary though. All right. Oh man, that truly, I did not do that on purpose, but this wow. Really poetic. Okay. We're going to talk about beauty. Um, and I don't want to argue about the definition of beauty. I'd say I'm more or less agree that it does work from the inside out, um, your values and your taste, your likes, your dislikes, all of those things start inside. And in our personal style, our clothes, our environments, home car, desk bags, accessories, those things come out. Those values, those tastes our likes and dislikes. That's where those things are expressed. Now, in terms of personal style, I like to think there are three types of, of, of humans out there. Those who dress to impress. I mentioned before those who dress to rebel against the system and those who tune out on others and tune into themselves, those are the people who are asking themselves, who am I? And what do I want to express in the world? That's the type of person that I am becoming and the person I encourage you to become if you aren't already. Although I do love a rebel truly, and literally I love or rebel now as a dancer, I think it's really, really easy to become a sweat pants person. And this is not an attack against sweats or sweat pants. People. There is no problem with sweatpants. There is no problem with people who wear sweat pants. Hell I have seen some exquisite looking sweat suit sets that as far as I'm concerned are more desirable and in some cases more expensive than actual suits. Speaker 0 00:23:03 Um, so this is not an argument about sweats, but this is an argument about mindfulness in your presentation. It's an argument against mindlessness in your presentation. So being fresh off the heels of Money March here, I want to lay a disclaimer. If after Money March, you do not think you are in a financial position to be making non essential expenses. Then fear not. I happen to believe that having exceptional personal style doesn't have to cost an extravagant amount of money and it also doesn't have to happen in one shopping spree. I want to share with you today, a few of my guiding style principles, number one, take stock and maximize what you already have. If it's perfect. Great. Hang on to it. If it's not perfect, if you do not absolutely love it, modify it, hack it up, cut it up, get it altered. Clothes that fit look expensive, even expensive. Things that don't fit can look cheap. So this is really not a conversation about money at all. It's a conversation about fit feel and, and feeling like how much do you love this thing? So step number one, take stock and maximize what you already have. If you are not totally loving something, try to modify it, try to get it altered. See if you see if that tips the scale and to love. If not, go ahead and let that go. I am a huge fan of donating clothing, shoes, accessories. Do it all the time. Maybe once a month, I do it all the time. Probably not once a month, but maybe close number two, buy things that fit. Make a rule to yourself that the next time you stand in a fitting room, you will not suck your stomach in. You will not shrug your shoulders up. You will not weirdly sit in into one hip and skew one shoulder to contort your body into making the garment look good, stand neutral. If you do not love the way this garment looks, you do not need to buy it by all means you can. But one of my, one of my huge spending savers is this new rule to myself. I will stand neutral in fitting room mirrors. And if I don't love it, I don't buy it. Step three, kind of a sister to step two, buy things that you love. Yeah. Number two, buy things that fit. Number three by things that you love. Number four, ask yourself. What do you love about you? What part of your body do you love about yourself then by things that accentuate that part of you and get in the habit of doing that number five, please do not compulsively spend money, make a plan. If you find an item that you love, that isn't on your plan or on your list of things to buy, put it on the plan for another day, maybe even the next day after you sleep on it. If you still want it, go ahead and get it. But I, I'm a, I'm a huge fan of plan, huge fan of following the plan. Um, and not compulsively spending money, especially on garments, which are technically, non-essential saying that, assuming that since you are listening to this podcast, you are a person with a computer and or a phone. So you are probably also a person with clothing on your body. Step six, be patient, especially in your quest for favorite items. I have wanted a black leather biker jacket for years. I've wanted thigh high over the knee, black leather boots. Actually I have a screenshot in my phone of an elbow, a pair of Aldo boots that I took in 2014. I never found a pair that I loved. They always, um, like pinched me and it had like muffin top of the leg, which is really my least favorite thing. And let me tell you what several years go by. And all of a sudden, I'm in a position to buy a pair of over the knee, Stuart Weissman boots that are bananas, truly lifetime commitment type of boots. These are boots that like make me want to do high kicks. Um, but also they just, they make me want to walk in, be seen. And, uh, I, I was very patient. I did not buy that 87 other options that crossed my path between 2014 and this one fine day, this past year, actually in 2021, um, that I found these boots at Stuart Weitzman. Holy smokes. I'll also link to those if you're interested. Um, uh, where was I? Yes, be patient. Yes. Okay. Number seven. This one's important. Refuse to be overwhelmed by all of this y'all you may never be totally satisfied with your wardrobe or your furniture or your car or the things you own or the way your body looks. And when you think about all of those things at once, yeah. Overwhelm is likely. So please focus on one thing at a time, start with one part of your body to love. Start with one drawer, clean it out, find things that you love, donate the things you don't then move on to the next door, then move on to the next body part. Then the next shelf, then the next room one room at a time, one day at a time, I hope a few of those principles connect with you. If they do great, borrow them, take them by following them and, and any other guiding style principles that might stand out to you. You might find that your, your personal style doesn't change much, but your intentionality with it probably will. And I'm all about that awareness that intentional living my friends, I have a lot to say when it comes to self-image and personal style, and I'm getting even more excited about it, the more I kind of dig into it, um, I really think your, your self image, your personal style, their expressions of your value, their expressions of your values and your taste. And that is a gift. This is the tip of the iceberg. So please, please pretty, please. If this subject matter is speaking to you, if you feel that I am speaking to you because I am speaking right to you, then please subscribe or follow because the next several weeks we'll be digging into these concepts. Personal style. Self-image next week specifically is not to be missed. We'll be talking to one of the most stylish humans that I know in dance, in business and in life, Mr. Shaun Evaristo will be our guest. You don't want to miss it. I am so excited about it, but enough for one moment, that is a lot to take in. Um, I, I'm going to leave you there for today with a lot of love and a lot of thanks to you for being here. Now, go, go, go out there and beyond, get into the world, enjoy yourself, enjoy having permission to express yourself because you do in any way you see fit. And, um, of course, go on, keep it funky. I will talk to you very soon. … Outro: This podcast was produced by me with the help of many; Music by Max Winnie, logo and brand design by Bree Reetz, and a big thanks to Riley Higgins, our executive assistant and editor, and also massive thanks to you. The mover, who is no stranger to taking action, I will not stand in the way of you taking action. I will not cannot stop you from downloading episodes or leaving a review and a rating. I cannot keep you from visiting thedanawilson.com to join our mailing list. I will not ban you from my online store for spending your hard earned money on the cool merch and awesome programs that await you there. And of course, if you want to talk with me, work with me and make moves with the rest of the words that move me community, I will 100% not stop you. Visit thedanawilson.com to become a member and get a peek at everything else I do that is not a weekly podcast. Keep it funky, everyone.