Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] And surprise, I'm coming to you live. Kind of sort of live, not really live, from CLI in Southampton, East Hampton.
[00:00:13] East Hampton, East Hampton General. General. Southeast Hampton, Massachusetts, where I'm going to be spending a lot more time in the upcoming year. More on that later. So anyways, if you're confused about where my bookshelf is and my sparkly curtains, they are in LA. I am not. I'm here teaching at CLI's summer intensive and dancing a lot.
[00:00:35] In fact, you might even hear some bleed of classical ballet music. There's a ballet class happening on the other side of this wall as we speak.
[00:00:46] But I had to carve out some time and tell you about the biggest, most emotional and creative mosh pit, like literal mosh pit, that happened to me recently.
[00:00:58] And I have to tell you about it while it is still fresh in my mind. But first, let's do some wins. Today I am celebrating turning 40 and being really, really, really, really close to being able to do four pull ups, which is a totally unreasonable goal that I set for myself.
[00:01:18] I actually, the goal that I had was, was to do one pull up. And I don't know why or at what point that became four pull ups, but I definitely can do one pull up. So mission accomplished on that front. On my 40th birthday at my party, I tried to do four pull ups. I was a little tipsy. Friends. They were sloppy. It was a sloppy four, but I was like kind of close. Anyways, during this year, I will have way more than four squeaky clean pull ups. I am confident of this.
[00:01:50] Also, I think it's important to give you a little bit of context on why I think pull ups are important.
[00:01:55] Y' all.
[00:01:56] Side story.
[00:01:58] For the first time in my life, I watched the Kevin Costner Robin Hood from like a long time ago. I'm a big Mel Brooks fan. I thought that the movie Robin Men in Tights was just a freestanding, fantastic film. I had no context. I didn't even know why it was funny. It was just funny on its own.
[00:02:18] I just thought that movie was the greatest movie of all time. But now I know that it's doubly great because it's hysterically ripping off Kevin Costner's Robin Hood. Anyways, in the Kevin Costner Robin Hood, there's a scene where like, in the treehouse village, there's a treehouse village and Kevin Costner has to jump from one treehouse balcony to the other treehouse balcony to save someone. Maybe it's Maid Marian. I don't really remember that part was not important, but somebo jumps from a place to another place. And as I was watching, I was like, yo, I would certainly fall to my death and maybe bring my loved one with me.
[00:02:59] I think it's important that I be able to jump from treehouse balcony to treehouse balcony just in case that happens in real life. I would like it to be a real life scenario, not a real death scenario. Anyways, pull ups are happening. That's me. That's what's going well in my world. How about you? What's your win? Say it out loud.
[00:03:28] Yay.
[00:03:33] All right, friends, congratulations. I'm cheering you on.
[00:03:37] Let's talk.
[00:03:39] We have to talk about Fantasy Night, and I don't think that means what you might think it means. So stay with me here.
[00:03:47] I studied with my acting teacher Gary Imhoff at the Professional artists workshop in LA on and off for probably 10 years, maybe more. A long time, a great time.
[00:03:58] Gary is one of the most mentioned people on this podcast. He is a guest himself. So heads up, after this short and sweet episode, you're going to want to bounce over there immediately and listen to the full episode with Gary, because his class changed my life. It changed my dancing and it changed my choreography in many, many ways, but it really changed the way I operate in my creative life. For example, Gary is the reason I do wins on the podcast and in my life. That's how we started every class.
[00:04:32] Gary knows how brutal the life of an artist can be, especially in the world today.
[00:04:38] So to set each class off, we celebrated what was going well. Big or small, acknowledging your wins keeps you in the game.
[00:04:46] That's why we do wins in class and on the podcast. The game of art, the play of art is way more endurable and way more fun when you are celebrating your wins along the way.
[00:04:59] Speaking of winning and speaking of play, Gary's class helped me rewire my brain around making mistakes.
[00:05:07] Most of the dancers I know, myself included, suffer from mild to moderate to paralyzing perfectionism.
[00:05:16] I'm talking to you.
[00:05:18] I feel like actors also are aiming for perfection all of the time, but actors specifically, and actors in Gary's class seemed to have a greater likelihood, a greater willingness to learn by failing to learn by making big, bold choices that might really miss that in the moment might be a mistake, but will certainly be informative in the long run. So anyways, it's not just the ritual of celebrating wins. It was having a safe place to fail that taught me that especially in art, sometimes losing is winning. The like trying and failing is winning. And Gary helped me make that real in my brain.
[00:06:04] I am no longer paralyzed by fear of failing when it comes to making my work, period. And that is because of Gary's class.
[00:06:14] In Gary's episode, we also talk a lot about how his class changed my dancing in terms of helping me fuel my movement with feeling, with emotion.
[00:06:24] But specifically, he helped me find my feminine voice in my dancing, my femininity, which is such a fun word for a deeper dive on that journey. Go listen to his episode because what I want to talk about today is how Gary and his class changed me as a choreographer.
[00:06:43] First of all, it taught me how to work with actors, right? How to use actor speak, to be speaking with actors about dance, to help actors move. It really helps to speak their language.
[00:06:57] A lot of actors in my class tapped me to help them with movement for their scenes. And that was the beginning of this love affair that I have for movement direction and movement coaching. It might be my favorite work as a choreographer. But more than that, Gary and his class helped me own the title choreographer.
[00:07:16] As a student of Gary's, I was working a lot as a dancer and as an assistant. This is many, many years ago.
[00:07:23] But the only thing I had really choreographed on my own was solos for myself or people at my studio or other studios. Competition numbers for sure. Class combos for sure.
[00:07:35] Small pieces of commercial work like films and TV shows and actual commercials. But I myself had never been full blown department head. I had never choreographed a film or even a music video.
[00:07:48] Didn't even know if I wanted to, to be totally honest.
[00:07:52] Bottom line, choreographer was a title that I reserved for other people until Gary's class and until Fantasy Night.
[00:08:03] Okay, so Gary's class is a scene study class. If you're working on a scene, you go up and perform the scene. You get feedback from Gary. If you don't happen to be working on a scene at that time, you don't go up, you don't get direct feedback from Gary. You just observe and learn a lot from his feedback for other people. Which, honestly is sometimes the easiest way for me to learn is from the outside looking in versus from being in the work, which is so intense. Anyways, once a year on Fantasy Night, everybody in class goes up to perform.
[00:08:36] Everybody. There's no sidelines, there's no audience, there's no outside looking in. Everybody gets inside, everybody goes up.
[00:08:44] To give you a little bit more context about Fantasy Night, I'm going to read you the most recent email that I have about Fantasy Night. That's coming from Gary's assistant that explains the class. What is fantasy Night? A night where you perform something. Anything, really. Each person in class volunteers to go up, one by one. You can play music, sing, dance, paint, write whatever it is that you have always wanted to do or don't yet know that you really want to do. And it might terrify or challenge you because you haven't gained mastery over this occupation yet, but you feel somehow drawn to it. You feel like you must. There's something in your very being that wants to express itself in this way.
[00:09:30] And Gary doesn't offer feedback. Everyone claps, and Gary says, beautiful. Great job.
[00:09:38] It's a night that we dedicate to sharing something new for each other, inspiring one another and feeling fulfilled and rewarded and reaching for something that is beyond our current comfort level. Be bold, creative, inspired, inspiring, and support one another in fulfilling our fantasies, y'. All.
[00:09:59] I am, like, on the verge of tears just reading that and remembering all of the fantasy nights I was a part of.
[00:10:06] Wow. Okay.
[00:10:09] All right.
[00:10:11] That's fantasy night.
[00:10:13] I have watched people who aren't singers sing.
[00:10:17] I've watched people who aren't dancers dance.
[00:10:20] I watched someone perform A. Perform is a funny way to say it. I watched somebody recite the eulogy of a dear friend that they couldn't get through at the funeral.
[00:10:32] I watched somebody play the trumpet while sitting behind a chair because they hadn't played since they were seven and they were nervous and they couldn't handle people looking at them.
[00:10:41] I have heard about, but not witnessed people performing naked because they were afraid of being that exposed in public, y'. All. Fantasy night is wild. And on my first fantasy night, I choreographed. I choreographed eight counts of eight in front of a room full of people. I don't remember how long it took.
[00:10:59] I do remember that I liked it. I liked the material enough to be teaching it for months afterwards. I remember that it was to an Alt J song, but everything else was kind of a blur.
[00:11:10] But I did it, and the experience was profound. I choreographed in front of people, and from that moment on, I thought of myself as a choreographer, or at least I could be if I wanted to. And I left the room that day on cloud nine. In fact, every fantasy night I've ever been a part of, I. I've also done standup comedy.
[00:11:30] Every fantasy night, I leave the room soaring on cloud nine. And there's no alcohol, there's no drugs, but you leave high as a kite. And a few years ago, I started hypothesizing that Having a Fantasy Night party might be kind of fun because the feeling you have in your body, y', all, it is a celebration. It is fireworks in your body. I can't think of another way to put it.
[00:11:53] So to celebrate my 40th birthday, I invited some of my friends, some actors, musicians, dancers, comedians, writers, directors, and yes, a couple normies, non entertainment types.
[00:12:06] I invited people to participate in a talent show, a fantasy night, basically.
[00:12:12] And these were the rules.
[00:12:15] Number one, all guests must participate. There are no bystanders, no audience. Nobody's above the law. Everyone must perform.
[00:12:24] Number two, your talent cannot be the talent that you're known for.
[00:12:29] If you're a singer, you can't sing. If you're a dancer, you can't dance. If you're a videographer, you can't film it.
[00:12:35] This is my favorite part of rule number two.
[00:12:38] The talent that you think you could never perform in public is the talent that you absolutely should perform.
[00:12:48] That's the catch. That's really the whole thing. Number three, you must hoot and holler, cheer, scream your ass off for every performer as if they had just won the super bowl winning field goal kick. Like losing your mind after every other act.
[00:13:08] Those are the rules of Fantasy Night. Those were the rules of my 40th birthday party.
[00:13:12] And y', all, it was the best night in recent history. In fact, in not so recent history as well. It was one of the best nights of my life.
[00:13:23] There was standup, there was spoken word in different languages. Jillian Myers.
[00:13:29] There were TED talks. There were traditional dances, like cultural traditional dances. There was stripping, sort of stripping.
[00:13:40] And yes, Lindsey Blaufarb notably performed a death metal screamo freestyle roast of me that I really do wish was captured. Obviously, I did not allow filming of any sort because of the vulnerable nature of the work. Dang, I really do wish I had this on tape. This was absolutely epic.
[00:14:05] I laughed, I cried, I screamed, and I sang. I sang a song in front of people. I sang Fast Car by tra. I sang Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. And listen, it wasn't good, especially because my voice was raw by that point of the night. But here's the. Here's the thing.
[00:14:24] I was terrified. The thought of singing in front of people makes me want to throw up. And guess what I didn't do. I didn't throw up and I didn't bail. I sang a full song. That's five verses in that song, by the way, and a couple choruses.
[00:14:37] I really did it. And I felt untouchable.
[00:14:43] And seeing my friends be vulnerable and win.
[00:14:48] I really will cry just thinking about it right now.
[00:14:51] This experience is life changing and this episode is my plea for you to consider assembling your people and performing a secret or suppressed or unspoken or maybe even future talent that you don't have yet.
[00:15:07] Yes, you will be terrified. Yes, you will want to cancel. Yes, you will want to bail at every opportunity. But if you stick it out and if you really, really cheer yourself on and everyone else, it's better than anything I can think of. It's better than French fries, for sure. It's better than birthday cake.
[00:15:27] It is better than Christopher Nolan's the Odyssey. So get into it.
[00:15:32] Because truly, y', all, the greatest gift that we could ever give to someone else or to ourselves is to support the pursuit of our wildest dreams.
[00:15:45] That is what Fantasy Night is all about. And that is what I am encouraging in you, my friend. I am here. I've got your back. If you have any questions about Fantasy Night, bring them my way.
[00:15:57] This is my new thing. This is my new shtick.
[00:16:00] And that is what I have for you today, my friend. Get out into the world. Have a Fantasy Night. And of course, keep it very funky.
[00:16:08] Bye.
[00:16:10] Oh, and let me know how it goes. By the way, you're Fantasy Night.
[00:16:13] I want to know what your secret talent is. I have to know. Okay, bye. Dance is produced by me with the help of many big, big, big, big. Love to our executive assistant and editor, Riley Higgins. Music is by Max Winnie Brand design by Bri Reitz. Our communications team consists of Ori Vajadares and Sydney Richardson, and we've got extra help from LMU intern Carly Clayton. If you're digging the podcast, please leave a review or rating. Also, if you want to connect with me and the many marvelous members of the Words that Move Me community, visit danceplus podcast.com if you're curious to know more about me and all the stuff I do outside of the podcast, visit thedanawilson. Com.
